The United Nations of Carpool

Let's meet our delegates:

Romania: Large, burly mechanical engineer with requisite communist mustache, even though, in his own emphatic words "I hate communists!" Emigrated 2001. Frequent mistranslations from the original Romanian. Drives a Buick SUV with inexplicable UK flag sticker on the back, and infrequently, a Buick sedan with furry seat covers.

Libya: Diminutive, graying, scholarly-looking. Tendancy to think himself infallible and to monopolize group meetings. Also the representative of Islam. Senior research scientist. Emigrated circa 1980. Drives a mid-2000s Lexus sedan or a Ford minivan, depending on the number of carpool passengers. Keeper of the carpool matrix.

Vietnam: The absent-minded professor research scientist. A bit wobbly round the middle, with a tendancy to wear his college-age son's sweatshirts to work for days at a time. Key phrase: "Wha happen?" and "Does this have cupholder?" Emigrated circa 1980. Drives a late 2000s Lexus sedan, well below the speed limit. Sometimes claims to be buddhist.

Caucasia (region of North Cracker Awkwardonia): The stereotypical white male delegate, a native of Illinois. Tall and gangly and very awkward. Like many of his tribe, he has no rhythm and poor social skills. Emigrated to Texas circa 1985. Drives his wife's Dodge SUV on days he is the driver, and a pickup on days he isn't. Chronically late. Senior research scientist.

People's Republic of Ladyparts (PRL): Emigrated to Texas from the liberal northern east coast in 2005. Token female left-leaning feminist vegetarian atheist nutbag. Drives a 2003 Saturn Ion. Research scientist. It is very possible that you will spend several hours in the presence of this delegate before hearing her speak a complete sentence. Do not be alarmed, as this is perfectly natural for her, and not a sign that she is secretly plotting against you.

brotha Texas (bTexas): Native of Texas, and sole Black member of the United Nations of Carpool (technically, the Libyan delegate is more African, having been born there and all). Frequently used as translator for delegate for Romania. Mechanical engineer. Drives a Toyota truck named Gabby, or his wife's minivan (no known name). Delegate in temorary retrement due to change in domicile.



Special local envoy: Accompanies gym-going UNC members (PRL, Caucasia-NCA, Romania, bTexas) on routine fat-fighting missions during lunch breaks. Drives Toyota sedan. Possible masochist.