Incident report: 10/07/2007

Driver: Romania

Occupants: Libya, Caucasia-NCA, PRL, Vietnam

Vehicle became stuck in traffic. Romanian delegate decided to listen to his favorite CD: “Greatest hits of 2005”

As “my hump” by the Black-Eyed Peas played, Romanian delegate declared “This is my favorite song!” and repeatedly increased volume via steering wheel-mounted controls over the course of the song. After the song ended, Romanian delegate lowered volume and turned to the rest of the UNC. Romanian delegate inquired: “What is ‘my hump’?”

Other delegates looked awkwardly out the windows and attempted to change the subject.

Spring time is Benadryl time.

The sound of spring in the UNC is the sound of post-nasal drip., Texas is home to one of the country's worst allergy seasons, and the UNC is not immune. It's been said that when one moves to an allergen-heavy location as an adult, their allergic response is much higher than if they had grown up there. And if there is one phrase that describes the United Nations of Carpool, it is "Not from around here."

The PRL delegate, in an attempt to suppress her symptoms, downs a cocktail of Claritin, Zyrtec, and Tylenol Allergy every morning, which renders her nigh on incoherent, but keeps the sneezing to a tolerable one or two violent fits per minute. Some of the other delegates, however, have not found their ideal mix of antihistamines. The noise of it would be enough to give a migraine to the mother of the PRL delegate (who was forever telling a young PRL:"Use a tissue! You're giving me a sinus headache just listening to you!").

The Vietnamese delegate favors a periodic, short, forceful and startlingly loud and porcine "SNORK!" at the back of the throat, often open-mouthed, in order to keep the nose-running at bay. (Dear sweet jaysus, forgive me for thinking this, but: Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pig. If Pot-Bellied Pigs wore t-shirts left over from a mid-90s Nike ad campaign.)
bTexas, on the other hand, prefers a less frequent, slow and unpredictable "SNNNNNNNRRRRRNNNNNCCCHHH" from the nose, followed by a loud swallow. Caucasia-NCA seems to have his allergies mostly in check, but sometimes needs to utilize a quiet "sn sn sn sn" machine gun inhale.

The Libyan delegate, whose sinuses were likely scoured by sandstorms in his Saharan youth, seems unaffected by the Texas pollen. The Romanian delegate attributes his clear breathing to a daily dose of local beeswax.

On morning when the pollen count is particularly high, these various approaches to breathing combine to form a symphony of snot, the sonorous effect of which is impossible to translate into print. Like nap time at a sleep apnea convention during a rhinovirus epidemic.

In case you wondered what life is like, living with a research scientist: it sometimes sounds like this.